How to ask for help for sick relatives as a Christian comes down to three commitments: ask plainly, accept no conditions that bind your preaching, and give an honest account of what you receive. A preacher who keeps these three may ask for food, uniforms and school fees without making the gospel a bargain.
Can a Christian ask for help for his relatives without compromising the gospel?
Yes, because Scripture commands the care of one’s own household and nowhere forbids asking for the means to do it. Paul writes that a man who does not provide for his own relatives, especially those of his own house, has denied the faith (1 Timothy 5:8). A preacher with sick or needy relatives is therefore under a duty, and asking is one lawful way of meeting it.
The danger lies in how the asking is done. A request becomes a compromise when the preacher shades his message to please a giver, or when he hints that his teaching is available to the highest bidder. The three commitments below guard against both.
What does Scripture show about asking for and receiving help?
Scripture shows godly people asking plainly, receiving thankfully and refusing any payment that would buy their message. Several examples set the pattern:
- Elijah asked the widow of Zarephath directly for a little water and a morsel of bread (1 Kings 17:10-11). He did not hint or flatter.
- Paul thanked the Philippians for sending to his need, and called their gift “an odour of a sweet smell, a sacrifice acceptable, wellpleasing to God” (Philippians 4:18).
- Abraham refused the spoils offered by the king of Sodom, so that no man could say he had made Abraham rich (Genesis 14:22-24).
- Peter refused the money offered by Simon, who wished to buy the power of the Spirit (Acts 8:18-23).
The pattern is consistent. Help received from the Lord’s people is a blessing. Payment offered in exchange for the gospel is a snare. The Lord’s own word applies to the preacher: “freely ye have received, freely give” (Matthew 10:8).
How do you state the need honestly, without exaggerating it?
State the need in the smallest true terms: who is in need, what is needed, and for how long. Paul wrote that believers should provide “for honest things, not only in the sight of the Lord, but also in the sight of men” (2 Corinthians 8:21). A request that can be checked by any neighbor and still stand is an honest request.
Before you speak, settle these points in your own mind:
- The person. Name the relative who is sick or in school, and what the sickness or the school requires.
- The item. Ask for food, a uniform or a school fee by its name, rather than for “help” in general.
- The duration. Say whether the need is for one season or continues, and do not make it sound permanent if it is not.
- What the family already provides. Include your own pension and what relatives have given, so the listener has the whole picture.
Exaggeration, even with a good motive, is a lie told for the sake of a good cause. The sin of Ananias and Sapphira was a false report about a gift (Acts 5:1-11), and the same Lord who judged it hears every request a preacher makes.
Who may you ask, and in what order?
Ask your own family first, then the believers who know you, and only afterwards others who are able and willing. Paul directs that families care for their own so that the church is free to help those who have no one else (1 Timothy 5:16). He also writes, “As we have therefore opportunity, let us do good unto all men, especially unto them who are of the household of faith” (Galatians 6:10).
A sensible order is:
- Relatives who are able. Ask them as you would wish to be asked: plainly, without pressure, and with room to say no. If your relatives cannot give more, you may find it useful to read how to tell them plainly what you can give, since the same honesty applies on both sides.
- Fellow believers and elders who know your household. They can judge the need from what they have seen.
- Others in the community who are able. Ask them with the same plain statement, and with the same readiness to hear a refusal.
Asking in this order also protects your standing. A stranger who gives to a preacher he barely knows may later expect something in return. A brother who has watched you serve will usually expect only that you remain faithful.
How do you keep your preaching free when someone helps you?
Keep it free by agreeing, before you accept anything, that the gift carries no instruction about what you will say or where you will say it. Paul chose to preach the gospel “without charge” so that he might not misuse his right in it (1 Corinthians 9:18). He was also careful not to be a burden to those he taught, working so as not to be chargeable to any of them (2 Thessalonians 3:8).
Scripture does allow that “the labourer is worthy of his hire” (Luke 10:7), so a gift to a preacher is not wrong in itself. The question is what the giver expects. Compare two offers:
The offer Whether to accept Food or school fees given to the family out of love, with nothing asked Accept with thanks A gift given on the understanding that you will preach what the giver prefers Decline kindly A gift given with a request that you pray for the giver’s household Accept, since prayer is already your duty A gift that the giver may later mention to claim a favor Decline, or ask plainly that it be understood as a gift
If you are unsure, ask the giver directly: “Is there anything you expect of me in return?” A true gift will survive the question. If the answer reveals a condition, you may return the gift with courtesy, as Abraham did, and the Lord who supplies need will supply it by another hand.
How do you receive a gift, or a refusal, with grace?
Receive a gift by saying thank you at once and without embarrassment, and receive a refusal by leaving the person’s goodwill undamaged. A man who is ashamed to be helped denies the giver the blessing of giving. Scripture says, “He that hath pity upon the poor lendeth unto the Lord” (Proverbs 19:17), so the giver is serving the Lord by serving your relatives.
A refusal needs the same grace. The person may lack the means, or may have other duties, and you do not know which. Reply briefly, thank him for hearing you, and do not repeat the request in the hope that he will relent. The Lord said that a house or town that would not receive His disciples was to be left in peace, without bitterness (Matthew 10:14).
Nor should a refusal be taken as a verdict on the need. Paul’s thorn was not removed when he prayed, yet he was told, “My grace is sufficient for thee” (2 Corinthians 12:9). The provision may come from a different person, at a different time.
How do you give thanks and give a plain account of what was given?
Give thanks to the giver in person, and to God in prayer, and then tell the giver plainly how the gift was used. Paul does both in Philippians 4, where he thanks the church by name and states that he has all and abounds. He adds that his joy is chiefly that fruit may abound to their account (Philippians 4:17-18). He also says that the service of a gift “abounded also by many thanksgivings unto God” (2 Corinthians 9:12).
A plain account is short and true. For example:
- State what was received and from whom.
- State what it was spent on: food for the household, a uniform for a child, a school fee, or care for the sick.
- Return anything left over, or say honestly what remains and how it will be used.
- Do not report as a debt a gift that was freely given, and do not report as a gift anything that was lent.
This account protects the giver, the family and the preacher. Anyone who later asks what became of the gift can be answered at once, and no one has cause to say that the gospel was made a means of gain. The account also teaches the children of the household that money received in the Lord’s name is handled in the Lord’s sight. Our site has a further piece on praying for the uniform, the fees and the lunch by name, which pairs naturally with this practice.
What should you do now?
Write down one need in your family, the one person you will ask honestly and plainly, and the prayer you will offer before you speak to him. Then wait on the Lord, who supplies the needs of those who trust Him.
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