Children rarely wait for an explanation. They watch a parent leave on a Saturday with a bag and no pay, they notice which requests are answered with “not now,” and they decide for themselves what the pulpit is worth. If you want to know how to explain your ministry to your children, begin by accepting that they have already formed an explanation of their own. Your task is to replace a guess with the truth, in words suited to their age.
The truth has two parts, and both must be spoken. Preaching without pay costs the household something real. God has also promised something real to those who serve Him, though it is not riches and it does not make Him anyone’s debtor. Children can bear both parts. What they cannot bear for long is silence, or a cheerful account that does not match what they see.
Begin with the truth: your children are already watching what the pulpit costs
Look at your household as a child sees it. A child sees the empty place at the table, the shoes that are mended again, the trip they were not taken on because the fare went to a preaching appointment. A child does not see the reason unless someone gives it.
Where no reason is given, children supply one. A small child may decide that the preaching matters more to you than they do. An older child may decide that God takes things and gives nothing back. Neither conclusion is true, but both are natural, and both are corrected only by plain speech.
Grandparents and other relatives who serve as preachers carry the same duty toward the children in their care. A related piece on this site, Let Your Grandchildren Watch You Wait on God for Daily Bread, speaks to that side of the matter. What follows sets out the actual sentences you might use at each age. Adjust each one so that it is true of your own household, and say nothing you do not believe.
What to say to a small child who only knows that you leave and come back
A child of three to six cannot weigh sacrifice. A young child needs to know three things: where you are going, that you are coming home, and who looks after them in between.
You might say: “I am going to tell people about Jesus. I will come home after the meeting. While I am away, God takes care of you, and Grandmother is here too.” Keep it short and say it the same way each time. Repetition is how a young child learns that a departure is not a loss.
Some practices help:
- Tell the child when you are leaving and roughly when you will return, in terms they understand, such as “after two sleeps.”
- Pray with the child before you go, and name the child in the prayer.
- When you return, say where you were and one thing that happened, in a sentence.
- Do not promise a return time you cannot keep. A broken promise teaches more than a correct explanation does.
At this age the child does not need to hear that the work is unpaid. A child needs to hear that the work is for the Lord and that you come home.
What to say to a schoolchild who sees other children with what he does not have
A child of seven to twelve compares. He sees the new bag, the packed lunch, the shoes, and he asks why his own are different. This is not ingratitude. It is how children of that age notice the world, and it should be met with a straight answer rather than a rebuke.
You might say: “Other children have some things that we do not have. We have what we need for today, and God has given it. I preach without pay because I want to serve the Lord freely, and that means our household has less money. I am glad you told me what you feel.”
Then give him something firmer than comfort. Jesus said, “Lay not up for yourselves treasures upon earth… for where your treasure is, there will your heart be also” (Matthew 6:19-21). Paul wrote to Timothy that “having food and raiment let us be therewith content” (1 Timothy 6:8). Read these with the child. They explain why the household lives as it does.
Be careful with one promise. Paul wrote that “my God shall supply all your need” (Philippians 4:19), and the word is need, not wish. A child told that God gives whatever he asks will stumble the first time a request is refused. Teach him instead to ask God by name for the real needs of the household. The article Pray for the Uniform, the Fees and the Lunch by Name, and Wait on God to Supply Them describes how to do this with a family.
What to say to a teenager who is tempted to resent the sacrifice
A teenager can see the cost clearly and can also see that he did not choose it. His resentment, if it comes, may be partly fair. Begin by saying so.
You might say: “You did not choose this, and it has cost you. I will not tell you that you feel wrongly. I want to tell you why I believe it is worth it, and I want to hear what you think.”
Then listen. A teenager who is permitted to speak will often say the thing he has held back for years, and it is better said at your table than carried silently. If he is right that he went without something he should not have, say that it was a real loss and, where it applies, that you are sorry.
Scripture does not hide this struggle. Asaph wrote that his feet had almost slipped when he saw the prosperity of the wicked, until he went into the sanctuary of God and understood their end (Psalm 73:2-3, 16-17). A teenager who doubts is in the company of the psalmist, and need not be ashamed of it.
Also give him the example of Paul, who had the right to be supported by those he taught and chose not to use it, “that, when I preach the gospel, I may make the gospel of Christ without charge” (1 Corinthians 9:18). The reason for unpaid preaching is stated there. Do not demand that he share your faith, since faith cannot be ordered. Show it, and teach it as Moses commanded: when you sit in the house and when you walk by the way (Deuteronomy 6:7). A fuller treatment of this subject is in When the Whole Household Pays for the Pulpit, Tell Them So and Share the Reward.
What to say to a grown son or daughter about the inheritance you are leaving
A grown child may be wondering, without asking, what you will leave. If the answer is little money, say so plainly and early. Silence on this point leaves room for guesses, and guesses divide families.
You might say: “I have little money to leave you. I have tried to leave you something else: the Word I taught you, the prayers I have made for you by name, and a record of how God provided for us. I would rather you knew this from me now than found it out later.”
Scripture gives a pattern. Paul reminded Timothy of “the unfeigned faith that is in thee, which dwelt first in thy grandmother Lois, and in thy mother Eunice” (2 Timothy 1:5). That faith was handed down, and it is a real inheritance. John wrote, “I have no greater joy than to hear that my children walk in truth” (3 John 4).
Practical matters belong in the same conversation: who will care for whom, what arrangements exist, and what is expected of each child. Say these things without promising what you cannot guarantee.
Write down what God provided while you still remember it, so your children have it in your own words. The method is laid out in Write It Down While You Remember: A Preacher’s Plain Method for Recording God’s Provision for His Grandchildren.
Three hard questions children ask, and honest answers from Scripture
“Why do we go without?”
The honest answer has two parts. Some of it is the cost of unpaid preaching, and some of it is the ordinary limit of the household’s means. Do not assign every shortage to the ministry, because a child will notice that it is not so and will wonder what else you have said that is not so.
Then give the reason: the household has chosen to serve the Lord without charge, and has been given enough for each day. Jesus taught His disciples to pray, “Give us this day our daily bread” (Matthew 6:11). The daily request is the pattern, and a household that lives by it knows what it received today.
“Why were you away?”
Say where you were and what you did, and do not claim the absence cost nothing. A sentence such as “I was away longer than I wanted, and I know you missed me” does more good than an argument that the work required it.
Where the absence was a real failing, such as a missed event that mattered to the child, name it and ask forgiveness. Preaching is not a reason to neglect a child, and a preacher who says so gains his children’s trust. A household that has been told this is much more likely to honour the pulpit than one that has been told to be quiet about it.
“Does God notice?”
Yes, and the answer should rest on Scripture, not on how the week has gone. Jesus said that the Father “which seeth in secret himself shall reward thee openly” (Matthew 6:4). The writer to the Hebrews says, “God is not unrighteous to forget your work and labour of love” (Hebrews 6:10). Not a sparrow falls without the Father, and you are worth more than many sparrows (Matthew 10:29-31).
The same Scripture also keeps the matter in order. Paul asks, “Who hath first given to him, and it shall be recompensed unto him again?” (Romans 11:35). God owes no one. The reward is a gift from a faithful Father, and the greatest of it is not paid in this life. Paul looked ahead to “a crown of righteousness” laid up for all who love His appearing (2 Timothy 4:8). The piece The Father Who Sees in Secret Keeps the Record of the Preacher No One Notices goes further into this.
A child may then ask whether God will make you rich. Answer truthfully: He has not promised it. He has promised that the labour is not in vain (1 Corinthians 15:58), and that those who leave houses or lands for His sake will receive eternal life (Mark 10:29-30).
How to keep telling the truth: a simple habit of prayer and conversation at the table
One conversation at each age is not enough, because children change and their questions change with them. The habit that keeps the truth alive is small and regular, and the table is the natural place for it.
A workable pattern:
- Pray before the meal and thank God for the food by name, whatever it is.
- Once a week, ask each person at the table to name one thing God gave or one prayer He answered.
- Occasionally, tell what the preaching was about and who heard it.
- Invite a question from each child, and allow the answer “I do not know, but let us read what Scripture says.”
Over a year, this builds a spoken record that no single speech could. Children who hear the household thank God for its provision and speak plainly of its cost are learning what the household believes. The article Teach Your Household to Treasure God’s Promise Above Money, Beginning at the Table describes the habit in more detail.
Begin at the next meal. Give thanks for what is on the table, and ask the youngest child to say what he is thankful for.
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